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I was taken into hospital by ambulance. I was singing and talking loads of nonsense. Brendan stayed with me most of the night. Two people checked themselves out that night because of my singing. The next day I was given my own room with a TV.

I had a CT scan followed by an MRI scan on my head. Later I found out that they were clear. They were the first scans I’ve had on my head since I had radiotherapy back in April.

During that evening I wanted to go home. The ward was locked. I ended up fighting three security guards to try and escape. They restrained me in my room. I wanted to go to the bathroom. Things had calmed down by now, but they wouldn’t let me go. I ended up soiling myself twice. They treated me like an animal. During the confusion someone posed as a family member and made off with my soiled trousers, complete with my brand new phone.

It turns out that the reason for my psychosis was the high dose of steroids I was on. ┬áThat’s now been reduced and I’m back to relative sanity. Also I’ve been released from hospital.


fucking head all over the place

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I can’t think straight. My head’s all over the place. I feel suicidal.

Scan results

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I saw the specialist yesterday to get the results of my CT scan, and an overview of future treatment. I asked Brendan to come, because at these meetings I’m often given so much information, that I forget some of it. Brendan hadn’t arrived when I was called into the consulting room, so, with the doctor’s permission, I spent the first couple of minutes of the consultation writing him a text, saying what room we were in, and to come and knock on the door. Brendan arrived shortly afterwards.

The doctor said that I had shown the best possible response to chemotherapy. There is virtually no sign of the cancer on my lungs, in my bones and my glands. On my liver there is one small spot. It looks like a microdot! He asked me how I’ve been feeling. I told him that I feel very good and that my walking is much stronger. On Monday I walked two miles along the canal during the day, and that evening I met Mike for the pub quiz, which is a mile and a half walk in each direction. I don’t get out of breath when I walk fast these days, although my breathing is not perfect.

The next phase of my treatment is radiotherapy for the tumour in my brain. I will have to have a close fitting mask made for this, which will then be secured to the table for the duration of the treatment. The treatment itself will take about twenty minutes. Once again one of the side effects will be tiredness.

Brendan asked the doctor about the prognosis now. The doctor said: ‘if Fulham get relegated, my season ticket will be cheaper next season.’

Third chemotherapy session

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I had my third chemotherapy session this week. So far I’ve had no bad side effects, I’ve just been quite tired. After the second session I was very tired for about a week and a half, I really didn’t feel like doing anything.

Since starting treatment, I was probably at my best the week I was in the Netherlands! That’s great, because I could fully take part in the juggling festival there. The week after that, the effects of the chemotherapy started wearing off. I thought that was because it was past the three weeks that the doctor recommended between sessions. When I saw him, he did say: ‘there’s a reason it’s three weeks!’

I didn’t experience such a good response from the second chemotherapy session. Also the effects seemed to wear off quicker! My breathing started to affect my voice after about ten days! The doctors say the effect of the chemotherapy is cumulative, so maybe I’ll have a better reaction to this session. Maybe it’s taken a while to recover from delaying the second session for a week!

Since that second session, I went to another match at Fulham, I spent a week on a training course for work and I went to a one day juggling festival in York. So when I say I haven’t been as good as I was after the first session, it’s all relative!

Second chemotherapy session

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I felt very good all the time I was in the Netherlands. In fact some people commented that they wouldn’t have guessed I was ill if they didn’t already know. The only real indications were that I got tired quite easily and, when out walking, I occasionally had to ask people to slow down a bit.

I got back to the UK last Friday night and, since Saturday, I haven’t felt quite so good. My breathing started affecting my voice again, I felt tightness in the chest again and some of the dull pains came back. I should have had my next chemotherapy session in the first week of January, but I was away. There’s a reason the sessions are three weeks apart!

I went in for the second session on Wednesday this week. As before, I was attached to a drip from 10:30 am to 5:30 pm, while three litres of chemicals were pumped into me. I didn’t feel quite so tired this time, except towards the end. I have felt fine in the days since. Once again, I’ve had no bad side effects!

Interview feedback

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I went to see Amanda, my boss, for some feedback about my interview. She said they offered the job of driver trainer to one of the other candidates. However, she was very impressed with my presentation, and wanted me to do the training as well! The idea is that I could provide occasional cover for him in the classroom, but she also wants to do more spot checks on the drivers and groups that use our minibuses, to ensure that they are using best practice when it comes to securing and transporting wheelchair users

Fulham v Man City

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I went to Fulham’s next home game against Manchester City. This time I took Frank, another nephew. The last time Frank came to watch Fulham, they beat Norwich 5-0. Before the game I said: ‘You might see five goals today, but Fulham won’t score all of them!’ Manchester City won 4-2. It was a great game! I took one photo of Yaya Toure’s free kick for Manchester City: