Month: September 2014

blood clots

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Yesterday I had the scan on my chest, which showed that I do have blood clots on my lungs. The doctor said it’s not as bad as it could be. I have fine clots on both lungs, so they’re both not working properly. The upshot of all this is that I’ll have to start injecting a blood thinner into my abdomen daily. I’ve been given a month’s prescription for this.



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Last night I was lying on the sofa and not exerting myself at all. My breathing became very laboured. We called NHS direct and they arranged an ambulance to take me to hospital. Brendan came with me. In the ambulance they put me on oxygen, and I was on it while in the hospital too. They carried out several blood tests and took an x-ray of my chest. The tests showed abnormal liver function, a high white blood cell count, and evidence of possible clotting. I was sent home in the early hours, but the doctor ordered a CT scan of my chest, which I’ll have this afternoon. This is to check for blood clots on my lung. Also this week I’ll see my oncologist, and hopefully everything will be put into perspective. It never rains, but it pours.


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I was taken into hospital by ambulance. I was singing and talking loads of nonsense. Brendan stayed with me most of the night. Two people checked themselves out that night because of my singing. The next day I was given my own room with a TV.

I had a CT scan followed by an MRI scan on my head. Later I found out that they were clear. They were the first scans I’ve had on my head since I had radiotherapy back in April.

During that evening I wanted to go home. The ward was locked. I ended up fighting three security guards to try and escape. They restrained me in my room. I wanted to go to the bathroom. Things had calmed down by now, but they wouldn’t let me go. I ended up soiling myself twice. They treated me like an animal. During the confusion someone posed as a family member and made off with my soiled trousers, complete with my brand new phone.

It turns out that the reason for my psychosis was the high dose of steroids I was on.  That’s now been reduced and I’m back to relative sanity. Also I’ve been released from hospital.

fucking head all over the place

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I can’t think straight. My head’s all over the place. I feel suicidal.

not good

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I’m really struggling with my breathing at the moment, even at rest. When I talk, or just walk a little way around the house, it’s very bad.

My hands have started to tremble quite badly, mostly first thing in the morning.

I get very light headed when I walk, and now it’s started happening just when I stand up.

I get hiccups quite often. This may have something to do with the amount of tablets I’m having to swallow.

I’m having difficulty with sleeping, due to the high dose of steroids I’m on. I didn’t sleep a wink last night. Oddly enough, I slept fine for the two nights I was in hospital.

I’m very emotional about all this, and I cry quite easily.

I’m due to see the oncologist next week. Hopefully he can address these issues.


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I spent £1800 before getting out of bed yesterday morning. I bought a midi organ pedalboard.  I’ve never played a pedalboard before, but I love Bach’s organ music. My elder brother, Martin, has played the organ, so if I struggle to learn, I’m sure he’ll help me. He’ll probably be keen to have a go anyway.

Admission II

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My community nurse and occupational therapist came to see me on Friday. They were worried. I was very lethargic, pale, and struggling with my breathing. The nurse phoned my doctor. He came round and was worried too. He phoned the hospital for an ambulance.

My sister, Shirley, came with me to A&E. It seemed like I was there for hours. I had an x-ray and was told one of my lungs was not functioning properly. They said I’d have to have a CT scan to see if there were any blood clots. I was going to be admitted to hospital. I was pretty much out of it while I was in A&E. When my sister was about to go home she asked if she should leave any of my medicine. The staff member said no. She told him there was an experimental drug among my medicine, but he insisted she didn’t need to leave it. He assumed they could get it from the hospital pharmacy. This meant I missed two doses, because my sister didn’t return until the next evening.

When I was in hospital, the staff measured my oxygen uptake regularly, and despite my poor lung function, it was up at 97 %. This may be because I wasn’t exerting myself at the time.

I didn’t have a scan while I was in hospital. On the Sunday the doctor said I could be treated as an outpatient. I was discharged with two courses of antibiotics. This surprised me, because they weren’t sure that I had an infection. I thought antibiotics are supposed to be issued sparingly. My drug intake this week is enormous. See the photo below!

pill intake this week